Today I thought I'd just post on something which I once thought was merely a subjective observation, but which after a recent visit to my parents, I now know to be fact. And that is:
Iraqi people take forever to say goodbye.
Please note this if you ever find yourself speaking to one on the phone, or standing next to one at a social gathering.
You can't just simply say 'goodbye....well you can. But there are stages.
STAGE I is where you stand up, thus signifying the end of the gathering. Then one by one, everyone else stands up.
In STAGE II you go for the hug or handshake of the host or the most important person in the room (sometimes one and the same.) This is where you say how great it was to see everyone. How the dinner was the most delicious food you’ve ever tasted. Where do you find the time? Etc. etc. The rest of the group must then follow suit. When EVERYONE has completed that activity, the group migrates slowly to the door.
You have now moved to STAGE III.
This is where -- if you're lucky, you make your way out, smiling and waving, get into your car and drive away.
If this is you: CONGRATULATIONS, MAZALTOV, MABROOK and GOOD ON YA! You have managed to say goodbye in less than ten minutes. You must be REALLY skilled at this. That, or you are in fact an Iraqi imposter operating amidst a group of other imposters...Let's assume the former.
If, on the other hand you choose to really do it right, you will linger with the group at the door and make small talk -- perhaps things you didn't touch on during the gathering. Such as, how your eldest son is doing at school, and does he really like the fencing club he belongs to. Or, whether your cousin's youngest daughter will ever stop playing tennis on her roommate's Wii, long enough to start looking for a husband.
Those kinds of questions.
This goes on for six more minutes. Then come the actual goodbyes:
"Goodbye sweetheart we hope to see you very soon!"
“Yes, sweetheart we must do this again very soon”
“Very soon. Give your mother my best”
“I will, dear. You give your daughter a hug for me, and tell her to eat while she’s at college. She doesn’t need to lose weight from stress.“
“By the way, did you hear about Yasmeen’s son’s fiancé? She was getting too fat so she had that operation where they put the band in your stomach…”
…..you get the point.
Which brings me to my own method of saying goodbye.
I’m actually downright perfunctory in my style. I've been accused of being rude at times. One time, a woman told me that she turned away for one second and then turned back to find me gone and only a spinning chair left in my wake. To be fair, this person was my boss and I was in fact at work eight hours longer than I had wanted to be on that particular day...but I digress.
My goodbye usually takes less than two seconds.
"Bye.”
It’s clean.
Short.
To the point.
Ends with a pleasant ‘eee’ sound if you choose to draw it out…
I’m quite happy with it.
It's easy to say goodbye when you're face to face. You can drop a few visual clues, such as looking at your watch or slinging your purse over your shoulder. On the phone it's a bit more challenging. Usually you have to do the "Soooo anyway" business. This is pretty universal. I believe Ellen DeGeneres did a routine about it.
Which is why I won't. She's funnier than me.
Suffice it to say, it’s a transition out of your conversation and off the phone.
As in "Soooo anyway, I better get off the phone." Or "Sooo anyway, I've got tons of ironing to do tonight." Or "Sooo anyway...my cat seems to have started a small fire in my sock drawer." That last one was made up -- I don't have a sock drawer.
……….
Sooo anyway, before this starts to ramble too much I will end this entry.
Goodbye. Thanks for reading.
As always, thoughts and comments are welcome.**
**(I had to add that last part in order not to be too perfunctory)
